Katherine and I had a great visit with Mama this morning! She was just outside her room, sound asleep in her wheel chair, when we arrived but roused with a sweet smile. If you were considering visiting her today, I highly encourage you to do so. She is feeling good and is fun.
Shortly after we made our way to the sitting the area, one of the senior staff came and took Mama back to her room for a “potty break”. It was apparent, it seemed to me, that this was on her agenda before we arrived and she did not ask our permission. She was so sweet in her insistence that Mama did not protest one bit. Also, I got no sense of “show” in her manner. That was the most encouraging behavior I have seen by any staff to date.
At one point I was holding Mama’s hand and commented that she sure could use a manicure. Katherine mentioned that Allison gave great manicures and would ask her to go see her Nanny and give her one. I ask, “Would you like for Allison to come by and give you a manicure?” With an incredulous look on her face, Mama exclaimed, “Yes! I’m not stupid!” We all had a good laugh. As I said … she feels good and is fun to visit today.
Mama is so full of pent up love in her heart. Routinely she near loses control, her face gets screwed up reflecting frustrated love and she gets to a point of near bursting with emotion. She rolls up her fists and begins punching at the air and in an exasperated voice says. “G_d dammit, I just love you so much!” She said that six times today if she said it once. I see childlike spontaneity in her at these times and our role reversal near breaks my heart with love. My answer is always the same, “I know, ain’t it fun!?”
Today she was, as always, wearing a well-coordinated outfit. I mentioned this to her and complimented her on always dressing so nicely. Wish I could quote her exactly here but cannot. She spoke of her Mama. She talked of how her Mama always took such good care of her and how she tried her best to do as her Mama said. She became overcome with emotion so I piled it on by asking about her Daddy. Oh how agitated, in a good way she became! She said, “Ohhh … he was always so something, something, something.” Again, she had her fists balled up poking at the air as she talked of her Daddy. Again, so childlike in dealing with so much pent up love.
My Mama has been, and continues to be, my trench mate in life battles and I love her so very much. She first protected me from my father and later protected my father from me. She gave me my first copy of “The Road Less Traveled”. (This book is meant to be shared, not “held on to”.) She patiently awaited my return from worldly wanderings and took in my crippled body/spirit when I limped home. Today, in my turn, I try to buffer the injustices inflicted on her by age.
For me, these are trying times and I appreciate the opportune support you provide me here. Authoring these missives seems a therapeutic salve to my wounded heart. I might be so overly embarrassed by these raw emotions were I to tell you in person how I feel, that I might not be able to get the words out. Obviously, writing to you is much easier for me. Thank you so very much for reading.
Oh Dear God! May … “The LORD make his face shine upon thee, and be gracious unto thee.” Numbers 6:25 … Amen. (From http://biblehub.com/numbers/6-25.htm)
Aye Gosh! Sorry to get so vulnerable and emotional this morning. Reckon I need to “man up” here! 🙂
Hope this message finds you doing extraordinarily well!